Seriously???? What's the deal with midlife? I thought that it would feel different than this. I thought it would involve more fun and adventure and less tears and hot flashes! I've talked with so many women in a similar stage of life as me and I'm blown away by the similarities. The tears, the loneliness, the anger, the grief and the frustration and indecision about what's next. For me it started as my children began leaving home.
I began to wonder what I'd accomplished in my life so far and I wasn't super thrilled with the answers. Don't get me wrong I wouldn't trade my time as a stay at home mom for anything. I guess I just never thought about what would happen after they left. I've dreamed about grandchildren and big family holiday get togethers but I never thought about this awkward in-between time. My kids are just starting to spread their wings and they need the freedom to be able to do it without interference from me. This awkward in-between time between young and old. My hair isn't completely gray but it's getting more and more gray every day. I don't totally have flabby arms but they definitely wiggle and shake more than they used to and I'm self conscious when I wave at someone that they'll notice all the jiggling. I haven't hit full blown menopause but I'm headed that way and have the hot flashes and crazy hormones to prove it. Anyone else here in this crazy in-between time? As I began to work through the grief of all the changes and then began to ponder what was next I started to get excited about all the possibilities. I started to remember who I am. Not just as a wife, mother, friend, co-worker, daughter or granddaughter but a real person with a real purpose. I started seeing a counselor (who I love and highly recommend to everyone) and I started working through some of the barriers that keep me from truly being me.