My chest tightened. My heart rate sped up. I could feel the tension in my shoulders. It was my nemesis... anxiety. I tell myself "Be brave, press in to the challenge." I grew up in a home where tensions ran high most of the time. I learned how to cope by shutting down emotionally and trying my best to not cause more waves. I learned how to anticipate needs and perform well whatever the situation. When I went through The Pathmaker assessment with my coach, the process of owning the things that really do matter the most to me; the things I value, the things I'm good at as well as the things I don't excel in was difficult. For years I had suppressed parts of myself that I thought might cause conflict with the people around me. I wanted safety. I wanted to perform well so that I felt like I was succeeding. However, how I lived that out was very chameleon like. I adapted to situations, I anticipated needs and expectations, I performed well, I put my wants, desires and needs aside in order to make others happy. I disconnected from myself, my personhood, the part of me that is made in the image of God to have passion and purpose. I was slowly killing my true self. As my coach walked me through The Pathmaker process of creating a purpose statement I struggled. I cried. I could feel the anxiety well up. I discovered that the things I value most, things like personal conviction were wounded and that it felt extremely unsafe for me to truly own the things that I value. As I've walked with others through The Pathmaker process I have found that my experience isn't unique. We are often the most wounded in the areas that we are the most gifted in. We may have been told that we are too much or not enough. Or maybe that we are too inconsistent or too rigid. If we can learn to embrace the part of our design that has been wounded and live from a place of strength instead of wounding it can be extremely powerful! We must breathe deep, be brave and press in to the challenge.
Here's a few questions to get you started.
What personality trait have you received criticism for?
What is the positive strength in that personality trait?
Where in your life right now do you need to "Breath deep, be brave and press in to the challenge?"